JOURNAL
Dead Fish Dreams
Interpretation?
I had the dream again.
I’m somewhere in charge of the aquariums, and the fish don’t make it. They are too large for the tank. There are too many of them. I try to tell someone (the supervisor?) as cichlids give up and float, half-decayed already, to the top of the tank.
I cannot remember when my dead fish dreams began, but there seems to be a repeating theme, perhaps once every three months or so.
It is true that I literally have not been successful keeping fish as pets. I have tried over the years and then thought when I had a kid, I would be better. First there was Bluey. Bluey was a beautiful betta who died within two weeks. Then we had a gorgeous tank of black mollies. They did not make it.
I have both a love of aquariums and a sense of guilt about them. Keeping fish in aquariums feels like keeping birds in cages. It isn’t natural. Maybe that is the lesson. Or maybe it’s something about guilt.
True story
My first job, other than babysitting, was working at a pet store. Once a week, my job was to open the store and feed the fish. The fish room was magical. When I turned on the lights, rows of boxed glowing worlds mesmerized me. It was peaceful in there, but it also felt…
